They are One

After writing last night I started to think about why I haven't written lately, and I've had this thought sparadically before; the reason I don't think I'm writing because a lot of what I want to tell you is just things I'm dealing with in my life, things that may not even involve you besides the fact that I want to talk to you about it. I was feeling bad that they weren't all about you; they way I feel about you being, things that reminded me of you, things that we would usually talk about. I wanted this blog to be about YOU, just you. But through that I wanted it to be things that I would usually tell you. And the more I think about it, we always talked about how something or someone made us feel. So I think I am going to be writing more, becuase the more I think about it, I think you and I were like open Journals to each other. Instead of writing down what we were feeling we said it to each other, at leasts that's how I was with you. And some things we may have actually been written down, but I think (at least I hope) you get what I mean. I didn't want this to end up being like my blog about my life and the secret feelings I have, but in one way it kinda is going to be that, and I say this with an awful feeling of not wanting to do it for that reason, but I did tell you a lot of my secret feelings, and I was so greatful you were here for that. And I hate to say it but I need to tell my secret feelings to someone, but I can only trust you. So I will have to just do it through this blog. I want to keep MY blog about me and my feelings separate from your blog about my feelings for you and things that remind me of you and things I would normally tell you, but I ultimately can't because if you were here, I would tell you everything that I'm going to say on this blog. I can't separate them because they are one.

Just too strange

I know I haven't said anything for a while. I feel stupid and redundant saying it, but I still can't believe you're not here anymore. I miss you like crazy all the time. Almost every day it seems like I think of something I want to write on here, but I don't end up doing it for this reason or for that. You know me better than anyone else, sometimes I think even better than my husband, if not then very close to it. I told you things I never told him, I never told anyone in my family, and I never even told Melissa. It sucks that I only knew you for such a short time, but I love that I became that close to you. I trust you like I trust nobody else. I feel selfish for the reasons I miss you, only because I miss how you were there for me, I miss being able to tell you everything and know that no matter what you weren't going to judge me and think too differently of me. I miss venting to you, I even miss you venting to me. I just miss you.