If you were here...

I know this probably isn't going to help at all, but especially tonight, I just keep thinking about what we could be doing if you were still here. You probably would have been the person I called after I got a ticket. I wish I could have shown you Pinterest. I'm pretty sure you would have liked it, but maybe not. But I would definitely be making the two of us do some of the workouts I found on it. Like having a challenge between the two of us. So we would start off with all our measurements(but it would probably just be weight) and then we would do a bunch of different exercises and record how many/how fast we could do them. Then do the workouts at home by ourselves, and I don't know every month do all the exercises again and see how we are improving. I think it would have been a lot of fun and I can just imagine you complaining to me about making you do it.

There is a play at CC that I really want to go see. When I saw the article for it in the Chroicle I almost lost it though. It made me think of you, and how much I miss seeing plays with you. It was SO!!! much fun. I don't think I will be able to though because of the ticket and Spencer has his engineering banquet on Friday. If I did, I would go by myself. Something I never thought I would do, but I just can't imagine going with someone else.

You know right now I just keep replaying "Total Eclipse of the Heart". It's the only way I feel close to you. I REALLY wish I had some more pictures of us, and of you, and some actual video of you. Now I'm really mad that you didn't particpate much in the Whose Line games at my party because I have the video of it, and you barely in it. I just want to remember you, and clearly remember our time together. I don't want to forget you.

On Tressa's birthday I'm going to go see Wicked with Tressa, Jesse, and my Mom. I'm really excited but at the same time I'm really afraid I'm just going to lose it there. Whenever I see/hear anything to do with Wicked I think of you. And then it's play and that will make me think of you.

Especially when I think about the working out thing, (I hope this isn't super selfish to say) I really hope I can find another friend where I will have a good friendship with. Ours was the best, and I hope you thought so too. And if you didn't I'm sorry because it must have been my fault, something I messed up for you. It's so hard to go from having an amazing friend and an amazing friendship back to practically nothing. Plus I think it has all messed me up even more mentally so now I'm afraid it will be even harder to make a really great friend.

I miss you so much Kathleen, I hope you know that, and I hope you know how much you mean to me! I really can not wait to see you again!!

P.S. I think I may have heard you say my name the other night. Friday night I believe. I don't know if it was my imagination or what. But it sounded like you. I had the fan going on and if was raining, and I don't remember what I was doing, but I was thinking about you, and I thought I heard it.