Seperated

Yesterday I got a phone call from my mother-in-law asking how I was doing. I was confused so I answered in a confused voice, "Fine." She asked me if one of my friends past away. I said not that I knew of why. She said nevermind maybe it was just a rumor. I told I wanted to know what she was talking about, so after a short battle back and forth, she told me she recieved a text from Austin saying, "Melia's best friend died." I immediately called Austin, and he said he saw something on facebook. So I went to facebook and there it was on your page. Your aunt said you passed away Saturday!! :,( I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. Even now, everytime I hear the phone ring I keep hoping it's going to be your voice, saying, "Psych!" I would be so relieved I don't even know if I could be mad. But nope. The last phone call was from your Mom telling me some details about the funeral.

I'm starting this blog for you and for me. For me because I think it will help to get my feelings out, and for you because I know there's things that I'm going to want to talk to you about, and I don't know if there are computers in heaven or if you even know I'm writing this stuff, but if you can then you will still know that I love you, I miss you, I care about you, I will NEVER forget you, and I'm looking forward to see you again. I don't know if I should be emailing your inbox anymore, so that's why I'm doing it here. I know you're going to laugh at this, but it's like in New Moon after the Cullen's leave and Belle e-mails Alice even though it always come back saying that e-mail doesn't exsist anymore. It really does help to think that I can still talk to you. Whenever I write stuff on here, I'm sure I'll always being hearing your voice in my head about what you would probably really say.  And that's how I want it to be. I don't want to ever forget you!!! You mean so much to me. I'm so greatful I found you! You were the best friend I ever had. You are an amazing person. I keep listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart. And you know, alot of the words pertain to how I'm feeling. On a best friend base level. Not a romantic level.

I just can't believe you're gone. My mind just cannot wrap around that idea. I'm sure it will hit me alot harder at the furneral.

I really hope you are happier there. Learning about the truth of the gospel and knowing we and you and your family will be together again someday. And I don't know, but I'm guessing you're pretty busy up there, since you just arrived and learning about lots of things. So hopefully the time will pass quickly. I don't know much of what it's like in heaven, but I really hope you're with your cat again. Someone to keep you company. I don't know if you know a lot of people you have passed on, but I guess your grandparents did. I just don't want you to be lonely up there.

I think you would laught at how Isabell talks about you now. This morning I started crying agian and Isabell was on the couch and Ellie in the high chair in the living room. Isabell looks over to me at the table and says, "Is that a happy girl? No, that's not a happy girl is it Ellie? That's a sad girl. Mama, why are you said agian?"
I said to her, "I'm sad because I miss Kathleen."
Isabell, "You miss Kathleen. She's in heaven now right?"
Of course almost that whole time she's just talking in a happy/slightly fake voice. She's just so matter-of-the-fact when she talks about it.

I love you and I hope you know that.