Today

Today is your viewing. I'm really nervous about it. I want to say goodbye but I also don't want to be left with a horrifying image of you. My Dad and sister Tressa are going to come. Spencer has to race in Bellingham tomorrow and his team leaves at 3:30 and have a mandatory meeting before hand. I talked to Brittany a little bit on facebook today. Trying to get all the information for today. She's not going to be able to make it because she can't get out of work, but she also said that she doesn't want to remember you like that, and she doesn't think you would want that either. I feel so bad for all the things I can't remember that were said between us. I can't remember if we ever talked about viewings and going and how we would feel about them or not. My Mom asked me some questions about your heart, and I KNOW we talked about it, but I can't quite remember some of the things you said, or what we talked about. Specifically, my Mom asked if you knew something like this could happen. I couldn't remember. I know when I heard it was a heart attack, it didn't necissarily suprise me, but I couldn't remember if you had said anything about it before hand. I hope I know the right words to say to you and to your Mom. I hope you're there too. I kinda hope I can see you. I don't think I would be scared. I would treasure the last look of you in a happier state.