I waited as long as I possibly could to get ready for it. I tried not to think about it because when I did, I got huge nautious terridactles in my stomach. I had no idea what to expect, what I might feel, or what I might see. Even now as I'm writing this, I'm trying to decide how much detail I really want to remember. I KNOW you're still alive Kathleen. Your body might be empty right now, but your spirit may be more alive now then it ever was; and your body and spirit will be reunited once again, in an even more perfect state then they were before. Since I know this to be true, I don't know if I really want to remember the things I saw and experienced on Friday.
Well, I'll start with the small things. I wanted to get both you and your mother flowers, but because I had never done this before, I had both the girls and no Mom to help watch them, and I was trying to avoid getting ready for it, I found out I waited a little too long to figure out the flower thing. I was able to get both you and your mother a rose; hers was red and yours was pink. I thought I would support our local flower shop (that and I was waiting for my Dad to get home from practice at 3:40 and I knew if we made a stop in town we would be cutting it too close). So around 2:30 I went with the girls to get the mail and to get the roses. I knew I was supposed to get white, but they didn't have any, at least not out. And I said I wanted them wrapped because I thought that was just a piece of tissue paper and a little ribbon. Turns out it also includes a nice plastic, and greenery and leaves (or something like that) it took 1/2hr. I was getting so worried. I still had to get dressed, and make sure I had everything ready for the girls. (I know procrastination).
To make matters even more difficult, there was an accident earlier that day on I-5 northbound, right in Centralia and it closed the freeway until two. Dad got home later then he had said, so I was already starting to worry, but we were also supposed to drop the girls off at Erica's and pick up Tressa, well that didn't happen. Right before exit 76 traffic got bad. So we decided to get off the freeway, but town traffic was almost just as bad. So I called Tressa and told her to meet us there. It's almost 4:20 and the viewing was supposed to end at 5.
We finally made it there around 4:35 or so I think. Both Tressa and Dad grabbed one of my girls and then Tressa grabbed my hand. I was so nervous and scared and I started crying. I was SOO glad she was there. I remember everything so vividly, as if I can see it on a t.v. or something. I went and sat in the back because I was still a little unsure about seeing your body. Your Mom saw me come in and I gave her a hug and she told me I was your best friend and that you loved me very much. I said the same thing to her because it's true. I met your cousin Gloria, she's very nice. Your Mom and Gloria both took me by the hand and said they would walk up with me. I started to but as soon as I could see your face all the way I stopped and said I couldn't do it. I didn't want to remember you like that. And things get stuck in my head so easily, I didn't want that sad image of you in there. I want to remember as being happy, smiling, and laughing. So I asked Gloria to give you the rose I had gotten you. She placed it on your chest, the only one that wasn't on the casket. So I just sat back down with your Mom and she held my hand. We talked about how she was doing, about you, and about your celebration of life. She went to go see some other people and my Mom showed up.
Finally Tressa told me she would take me up there and I could just close my eyes. She said she had been preparing for this all week and she could do it. So that's what I did. I really hope you were there and you heard it. I really hope we are friends in the next section of our lives. I don't really understand what that next part is going to be like and how that is going to work, but I hope we find each other shortly after my arrival and we can be friends quite literally forever.
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